Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Listening to random songs is a lot of fun! Hahaha... I'm so amused by listening to these really cheesy boy band songs.


"You are my everything, nothing your love won't bring, my life is yours alone, the only love i've ever known, your spirit pulls me through, when nothing else will do, every night I pray on bended knee, that you will always be my everythingggggg" (98 Degrees - My Everything... hahah, whatever happened to them anyway?)

"But my love is all I have to give, without you I don't think i can live, I wish I could give the world to you, but love is all I have to give..." (Backstreet Boys - All I Have to Give... goodness, i used to like them.... now this song makes me laugh so hard!)

"So I'll blame gravity, for always holding out on me, when I just wanna run away, it trips me and I fall for you, makes perfect sense to me, to lose responsibility and everytime i fail to see how easy this could be, I can put the blame on gravity." (SoulDecision - Gravity... their voices sound funny to me... heheh...)

"So I say a little prayer, and hope my dreams will take me there, where the skies are blue to see you once again, my love, overseas and coast to coast, to find the place I love the most, where the fields are green, to see you once again, my looooooove" (Westlife - My Love... wow, they're soooo creative with their song titles, aren't they?)

I'm sure that I have some of those lyrics wrong, but you know what? That's not important, just like the songs and the band! They're so crappy... with the same 3 chord progressions, and randomly sticking in phrases such as "I can't live without you", "Oh baby, where did we go wrong?", "I want you back", "I miss you so", "I would never break your heart", etc... such absolute crap.

Maybe I should listening to other genres of random songs... *gets out of her folder of Pop stuff*

Ah, music makes me happy =) That stuff I mentioned above is not music... *shudders*

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Wow, I haven't blogged in such a long time. Things are well. Not extremely well, but well enough. Course selection coming up. Not quite looking forward to that, but oh well. This too shall pass.

Friday, January 16, 2004

i guess you never really come to realize some things until they really hit you... you never realize that you're so close to something until something happens and it dawns on you. i don't think i will write that something here... it hurts too much. not exactly something i want to share with anyone, including this clandestine blog of mine. i'm scared. i'm very, very afraid... but nothing i can do. i'm also very angry with myself. frustrated, but sad.

on another note, a poem that i found recently... :

A Boy and a Girl

Stretched out on the grass
a boy and a girl.
Savoring their oranges, giving their kisses
like waves exchanging foam.

Stretched out on the beach
a boy and a girl.
Savoring their limes, giving their kisses
like clouds exchanging foam.

Stretched out underground
a boy and a girl.
Saying nothing, never kissing,
giving silence for silence.

-- Octavio Paz

best thing to do is to keep my mind on other things...

Friday, January 09, 2004

Why is it that when you want something, it's never there? I'm so sick of waiting... yet i haven't the courage to do anything about it. Patience is a virtue i have not. Ugh...

Recently i've been thinking a lot, which is not always a good thing. When i think too much, i tend to get upset and everything becomes so depressing. I think of things such as: how did i come to be who i am today? This insecured, attention-seeking, self-depreciating, spiteful nerd that i am? What makes me so different than everybody else? Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? But some a lot more depressing than that. I should stop thinking, it's bad for my mental health.

And why is it that people are always whining and gossiping? Do they ever shut up and suck it up? They never seem to realize that after they've repeated their complaining once, i'm sick of hearing it. Nor do they understand that if they whine every single fucking day, i don't care anymore. Actually, i'd rather not listen to their whining. I try my best not to whine, and they automatically assume that everything is going wonderfully in my life. Well, guess what? It's not exactly so. It's not terrible... i should be grateful, but i'm not. It's not great either... i know that i should be happy with what i have, but i'm not. I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. Sometimes i just feel like screaming at everyone, tell them to shut the fuck up, and then lock myself in a room and cry...

I cry so easily. I hate it, but i still do it. It's as if i just can't help myself. Whenever i'm frustrated or hurt, i just start crying, sometimes even in public. I hate crying in public. I do whatever i can to not do that, but sometimes i can't stop myself. I'm such an idiot. A weak idiot. I feel both guilty and ashamed when i cry... Goodness. I'm such a girl.
So tired... need more sleep. I didn't think that i was getting so little sleep until i actually thought about it. I guess sleep deprivation makes people that much more stupid and slow.

It's funny how i'm writing here, and so few people know about this blog. Oh well.

Been kinda sad these days, for no clear reason why. I don't really know why either. I'm so impatient and irritable. I've always been like that, but it's even worse lately. Some people are annoying, even though i know i shouldn't be pissed off at them. Meh, it'll pass.

I should go take a nap, or finish up some stuff i have to do.

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